uninspired ramblings of days gone by...

sorry i haven't written much as of late...this town is pretty uninspiring. doesn't so much get my creative juices flowing. that's ok though. sometimes taking a break from any and everything, including creative thought, is a good thing. ok so that's a total bullshit justification, but whatever.

i went out the other night, i suppose i could talk about that. nothing too exciting. went to a hockey game. i love hockey. not having the wings to watch nor having a minor league team, full of guys who pour they're hearts out each and every game because it's all they have, to cheer for is kind of disheartening. so i'm glad while i'm here i get to go to some games. plus my parent's seats are right behind the home bench so i get to ogle at hot hockey men while the refs dish out pentalties. minor league hockey has a lot of fighting. so i get lots of ogle time. hockey players being one of my biggest weaknesses, if not my single biggest weakness, means there are no complaints from me on face time the pentaly breaks allow nor on the view obstruction the bench creates. the smell isn't the most pleasant. but it brings back happy memories from my more naive days , so again, no complaints.

i of course ran in to old school chums while off to get more over-priced beer during the intermission, but this time i ran into a buddy who i was happy to see. one whose name i actually remember. imagine that. anyway, my sister and i ended up meeting up with him and a couple other friends i hadn't seen in a while after the game at this bar. a bar that, mind you, use to be the ghetto dirty-mexican-men bar. i'm still amazed that there are non dirty-mexican bars in this town. i'm not sure when they appeared, probably around the time gangs started killing people at the clubs across the border, but there are bars in this town now. more than one. laredo has options. since when does laredo have options? i really have been gone a long time. i digress. so we're out and next thing i know half my friends from high school are there. turns out most of them are still here in laredo. it also turns out most of my friends were guys. not that i'm complaining. i have even less in common with laredo girls than i do with freakin' three toed sloths.

all in all we had a great time and i realized that i may not have much, if anything, in common with the people down here and i may complain about the lack of inspiration this town envokes, but truth be told i had some good buddies back in high school. we had good times back then, and still do. they know i don't fit. they know i don't belong. and it's ok. that's part of what makes it fun. well that and the mass quantities of alcohol.

note to self...

don't go out in public with that hey-i-just-rolled-out-of-bed-but-instead-of-looking-trendy-and-disheveled-i-just-look-greasy-and-unbathed look unless you wanna run into him and the new girlfriend...

this day in history...

so it snowed. real snow. not just the dippin' dots kind. it stopped about an hour ago and will all be melted by morning. but that's ok, b/c it snowed enough to blanket the town. the pool didn't freeze into an ice rink though. oh well. at least we got to be part of the first white christmas since 1892. snow in laredo. a city that's more often than not the hottest city in the country. it's kinda like hell freezing over. on christmas. interesting.

navidad blanca

it's snowing. well i think it is. we can't quite decide what it is. it's hailing. snow. little balls of snow falling like hail. it's the oddest thing. like dippin' dots. ya know, that ice cream that's the tiny little balls of goodness? that's what it like. minus the colors and variety of flavors.

frozen margaritas...

it's 42 degrees here in laredo. yesterday it was 80. today 40. last time i remember it being "cold" here i was in high school and we got the day off. it was called a "cold day." i remember when we lived in michigan and colorado and we'd wake up to inches of snow and all cross our fingers (but only one hand b/c crossing the other hand cancelled out the first) as we listened to the radio hoping to hear our school's name on the never-quite-long-enough list of school closings. here, we got school off for 40 degree temperatures. awesome.
it's suppose to snow here on christmas. it hasn't snowed in laredo in over 100 years. i thought it was 30. i had heard it was 30. turns out it's 100. who knows maybe we'll make some history. or better yet, maybe our pool will freeze and then i'll have an ice rink in my back yard. i'll let you know.

great expectations...

my new year's resolutions

• forgo all exercise (including walking)
• start smoking (i'm taking sam's lead on this one. if you can't beat 'em might as well join 'em)
• take my loved ones for granted
• travel (but only around the apartment and with a light carry-on)
• develop a drinking habit
• learn to play yankee doodle on the seriously-out-of-tune saxophone in our upstairs closet (without tuning it and without taking lessons)
• floss everything but my teeth
• collect money and clothes for the poor (and keep it all for my broke-ass self)
• point and laugh more often
• stop and smell the rosens (they're the abnormally clean family down the street)

things to do in laredo...

in honor of the too-exciting-for-even-me-to-handle town of laredo i thought i'd share some hip and cool things to do with your time while here visiting (besides not getting your cell phone fixed)...

• go to the mall
• eat tacos
• watch hockey
• be the only person who knows what's going on in said hockey game
• while at the hockey game drink your beer through a straw
• and flail around not so seductively to try and get the hockey players' attention
• during the game.
• hang out at "fuego-grill and chill"
• among other awesome new hang outs
• like graham central station
• oh my bad...the cool kids call it "graham's"
• guess i'm not very cool
• go "across"
• as in go to mexico
• to party with all the underage kiddos
• and dirty mezkin's trying to meet said minors
• and get raped
• or killed
• or both
• ignore phone calls from any and everyone you went to h.s. with
• pretend to be excited to see said people when you randomly run in to them
• at the mall
• or at a hockey game
• or while eating tacos...

note to self...

don't play hard to get-play hard to keep.

rant of the day...

i once said that if you're upset about something or disagree with something there are only 2 options on how to deal...eat cheese or write a letter. if you think about it, cheese will make you feel better because, well because it's cheese...it makes everything better. or you write a letter and express your feelings. i've decided there is a third option which is bitch out the sprint people until they give you a new phone like they should cuz cell phones suck and they told you yours wouldn't break and it did.

i spent a pretty penny on a new phone not long ago and i specifically told the woman i didn't want a flip phone b/c they always break on me...she said they had made a lot of improvements and that it wouldn't break. coughbullshitcough. i tried to take it to the sprint place here in laredo, but they said they couldn't do anything b/c there was physical damage....HELLO! MCFLY! that's exactly why i took it in in the first place! and the chick who gave me the news that the technician was a ratbastard was a friend of mine from high school so i couldn't yell at her dammit. plus she offered to give my little brother a new phone without making him sign away his soul like they normally do. anyway as soon as i get back to st. louis i'm marching right back in to the bitchassho who sold me the phone in the first place and i'm telling her she'd better give me a knew phone or i'm gonna end up obese from all the cheese i've been eating and with friggin carpal tunnel syndrome from typing so many letters. and little does she know i've got a brother who is in law school and would just love to take his class on a field trip to see him work his magic suing some random chick for making his little sister fat and grumpy.

speaking of my older brother. he recently had a bone to pick as well. not with sprint, but with our cable company. he opted for way-to-passive agressively-handle-anger option 2: write a letter. i thought i'd share his oh so classic customer service letter. as you can see he's not nearly as ornery as i am. and much funnier. the best part is that they sent him a response letter telling him they passed his letter on to the moxi/dvr management team that makes those decisions. sooo classic.

anyway, enjoy, have a good day, and don't let the bastards get you down!

[sent to: charter communications online customer care team.]
I've been extremely pleased with my new DVR/Moxi service upgrade. However, I HATE!! the new 15minute jump for the "Skip" button. I don't know who made the decision or why they did so, but it's terrible.

Nobody wants to skip ahead in 15 minute intervals -we want 30 second jumps designed to allow us to skip through commercials. If it's pressure about skipping commercials that precipitated the change, give us banner ads like TiVo is doing. I can deal with banner ads while I'm skipping through at 30 seconds a pop. This 15 minute crap is for the birds.

I look forward to the reversion to 30 second skip intervals as my Christmas present. Seriously. 30 seconds. I mean it.

Thanks,
Ernesto Segura

streets of laredo...

so i'm home. well home as in where my parents live. not so much home as in where i necessarily grew up or as in where my family wants to be, but home just the same. i went to high school here in laredo for a few years and then i got the heck outta dodge. my parents are still here though and as much as a we hate it, you don't always get a choice in where you live. plus everything is what you make it, right? anyway, it's good to be with my parents and my not-so-little-little brother. my sister flies in on saturday and then the older bro comes in next thursday. this is the first time, since probably last christmas that all of us get to be together. i can't wait. i think i should hide a video camera or tape recorder or something and just tape the madness that is our household when we all get together. if you people think i'm random and slightly spastic, you should see the dynamic of all 6 of us. too much fun. anyway, because my mom is awesome and because she completely spoils me when i'm home she just came in with hot chocolate with marshmallows and everything for me. oh i'm sorry. it's peppermint hot chocolate with marshmallows. my bad. so i'm gonna go enjoy this, don't be too jealous. come visit and i'm sure she'll make you some too.

rant of the day...

so i went to a show last night. a show i was really looking forward to. great bands and for a great cause. i left the show before 11pm...not even half way through the main act. why, you ask? because of the smoke. the smoke and the talking. but mainly because of the smoke. i can tune out the talking. even though in a town like austin, where i learned my live music etiquette you don't talk during a set. you can speak. obviously. but you keep it to a minimum and if there is excess talking someone says something. either the people around you or the artist themselves. but you go to see the music. not to converse with your buddies. people pay good money to see a show, and yes you've paid the money too so you have the right to talk, but be courteous and go outside or wait until between sets or i dunno just quit screaming in my ear. but i can tune out the talking if need be. i cannot, however, tune out the smoke. i don't know what it is about this town, and maybe it's just me, maybe i am use to being able to breathe. but the smokiest places in austin, the places we tried to avoid at all cost b/c of the smoke had absolutely NOTHING on this place i was at last night. my eyes burned, lungs ached, head pounded, and clothes reeked. so much so that despite the 30 degree temperatures, i drove home with the windows open. when i got home, i hadn't even stepped over the threshold before neto told me how badly i smelled. i had to shower and hang my clothes outside. even after dousing them in febreze and hanging them to air out, this morning they still smelled. that to me is absurd. how can a place that allows smoking not have ventilation? i can handle smoke. i can handle smoking. i could not handle last night. at breakfast this morning when the woman asked our smoking preference i had no choice but to emphatically answer non.

note to self...

do not yell "have another donut, fattie!" at cops to prove to friends you're sober enough to drive home

double feature...

alright so here was the plan: go see ocean's 12 @ 1205. it's a 2 hr 5 minute film. which would mean it'd end right before closer at 220. so the plan was to run to the bathroom after ocean's 12, refill our pop and head to closer at 220. yes we did have all that worked out. can't exactly plan a double feature without working out the details ahead of time now can we. so yeah, we entered the theatre and were stoked because there was only 1 ticket guy in the middle, which meant the plan would work out perfectly. or so we thought. after ocean's 12 we moved in to execution phase of our double feature plan. only to find that they added a 2nd ticket guy...one on the side of the theatre where ocean's 12 was and one in front of the closer theatre. immediate thought: uhhh houston we have a problem. follow up thought: we're screwed. it was time for plan b. at the time we had no plan b but lucky for us we just left a movie about breaking and entering. neto, quick on his toes, proceeds to ask the closer ticket man if we can just go thru and exit out that side. on our way to the exit we scope out the other theatres only to find that there is a 255 closer in a theatre around the corner from the ticket dude. plan b: hang out in our respective bathrooms right outside that theatre for 20 minutes. meet back up at 245 for the 255 showing of closer. despite a few panic attacks (we'd be the worst criminals ever) plan b worked like a charm. shhh don't tell.

and now for the afternoon reviews...

ocean's 12: fun, but no real plot. although with a cast like that and an opening scene that consists of a wet brad pitt you can't really go wrong.
closer: terrific. two thumbs up, yo.
worst preview: 'the pacifier'- vin diesel as jean claude van damme as mr. mom
best preview: 'the aviator'
preview most likely to cause you to break in to air piano: 'phantom of the opera'
preview most likely to give you the creeps: 'hide and seek'
worst movie i'll most likely see simply b/c it's got vince vaughn and the rock in it: 'be cool'
quote of the afternoon: neto: "blade trinity...sweet! lets get jessica biel on screen in some tight tank tops" me: "lets get ryan reynolds on me!"

eight to five what i learned

after spending a week doing some odd jobs around my brother's office i learned a few things. and here they are...

• eight to five is actually more like 830 to 4
• with a 2 hour lunch break to go shopping
• besides the owner my brother is the only other man in his office
  
• my brother works with all middle aged women
  
• which means the temperature in the office fluctuates to accomodate their hot flashes
• i don't know how many people work in his office
• because everytime i thought i'd met everyone another would randomly appear
• from some obscure broom closet i never realized existed
• once i set an alarm clock my body naturally wakes me up before it goes off
• for example i set my alarm for 6:30, i'm up @ 5
  
• thursday is "productivity day"
• everyone hates thursday
• melanie had a crap job
• i could make a living working in claims processing
• if i wanted to teeter on the edge of suicide
• every day
  

bored...

so i don't so much wanna be an advice columnist anymore. it's not nearly as exciting as i thought it'd be and plus there's no big paycheck or any cute boys. just boys who have issues. booooo. anyway, it was fun for the week, but i'm over it now.

peace and chicken grease,
sara landers the advice girl

Who the heck does she think she is?

Q. Dear Advice Sara Girl,

So, I am talking to this girl who has a boyfriend and who has made it clear to me of what things are. Then tonight she tells me some pretty detailed sexual stuff. Then she gets a call. She comes back. I jokingly ask bootycall? She says no, she doesnt do that. Then she says that she could actually go for one tonight. Then I tell her to call her boyfriend. She laughs it off. Then we go on talking about other things. Then she tells me that tomorrow night she will help me rub one out, wait just kidding she says. I then tell her that I don't know when to believe her or take her serious. Silence. Then I ask her should I take you serious. She tells me night, I pause, say night, and that is it.

Please help me.

Sincerely,
Who the fuck does this girl think she is guy


A. Dear Who does she think she is guy,

Wow. This girl is claaaaassy. I'm not trying to trivialize things here, but in my humble opinion your situation isn't as complicated as you seem to think it is. The girl is trouble. We've already determined that [link]. Now we also know that she's tacky and, without trying to sound like my mom, very unladylike. You know what you need to do and you know why you need to do it. Chop chop mister!

NEXT!

-S
reference [link]

Hungry Hungry Hippo

Q: Dear Advice Girl,

What should I make for dinner?

Sincerely,
Hungry Hungry Hippo


A: Dear hungry Hungry Hippo

Make out. It's a personal favorite.

NEXT!

-S

reference [link]

Lost in LA

Q: Dear Sara Landers,

What should I do? I have no friends, I've stopped working out, I keep a lot of plants but they are all dying, I have old beer and chorizo in my fridge, I'm broke, I am slightly paranoid at all times, all the hot men I meet are gay and there are only 2 Wendy's in LA proper.

Sincerely,
Lost in LA

A: Dear Lost in LA,

I have no friends: go call your sister, she doesn't have any either.
I've stopped working out: quit whining and get off your rump.
I keep a lot of plants but they are all dying: try manure.
I have old beer and chorizo in my fridge: fed ex it to your brother, if it's meat or beer you know he'll eat it.
I'm broke: isn't prostitution legal in LA? if not, try Vegas.
I'm slightly paranoid at all times: now that' s just silly, why would you be paranoid? OH MY GOD DUCK!
All the hot men I meet are gay: It's ok, it's the holidays, everybody's gay.
There are only 2 Wendy's in LA proper: call the customer service line and ask "where's the beef?"

NEXT!

-S

reference [link]

gawd! you're such a friggin' idiot!

true story.

so there's this kid named moron. no really. that's his name. i swear. he is a freshman in college and due to the university's housing shortage asked mommy moron if he could live not off campus or with a group of crackheads he met at his local needle exchange but at his frat house. [grimaces in pain] a frat he's not even techinically a part of seeing how's it's his first semester of college and he's still pledging. anyway, apparently mommy oblivious thought this was a better idea than him living with the crackheads so she agreed. of course they had to do all sorts of petitioning b/c it's his first semester of school and nobody in their right minds lets a first semester freshman live in a frat house, but whatever!

he moves in. mommy shoulda-let-him-live-with-the-drug-addicts decides to keep tabs on him by giving him an atm card in her name so she could check the statements online and see where he was spending the money [banging head against the wall]...

fast forward to a few weeks ago. moron and his pledge class decide to take a road trip. they all hop on the short bus and head for new orleans. before leaving though, mommy stupid-stupid-stupid gives junior $500 to spend. Told him that was his limit. and actually thought he'd obey.

a day after they arrive mommy clueless gets a call from moron to ask her to put some more money in the bank because he went over the $500. She asks how much over and he says $600. So mommy more-than-a-little-slow says "oh okay so you overdrew the account by $100?"

[now this from our sponsors: ok? no that's not ok! what's he doing in n.o. on your dime anyway? you sent the kid away to military school when he was in high school. he's never been responsible. what makes you think he's gonna start now? in new orleans! with a bunch of frat guys!?!?! friggin' idiot.]

so he overdrew the account by $100 right? wrong! he says uh no mom i didn't spend $600 total- i went over by $600...hahahahahahahahahahahahaha...oh if only that were the end of the story. so moron calls in the morning to say hey mom, i know you're blind and stupid, but I have some good news and some bad news...good news is: i did the math wrong. i didn't over draw the account by $600....bad news is: it was more like $1600!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes folks, that is a grand whopping total of $2100 of his mothers money. on something other than college tuition or a kidney transplant. ridiculous i know. he must have had a good reason though right? wrong again!

what could he possibly spend that much cash on in one night? julia roberts in pretty woman? 2 months worth of rent? no, on drinks, atm fees and lap dances of course!

the oh so generous moron not only bought many rounds of drinks for his frat brothers, but also rounds of strippers! not to mention the almost $200 he spent in atm fees because the atm was disguised as a tree and $ grows on trees ya know oh and plus he's a MORON!

i swear, if he were my kid... there's no way he'd still be walking.

Miserable, with a capital T

Q. Uhh...Dear...Sara?

Well, I have had this problem lately. I met this girl... yeah, she is trouble with a capital T. She has a lot of baggage, but yet I am fascinated with her and I can't get her out of my head. Oh, she has a boyfriend who is a dick to her, but yet she stays with him and she calls me to talk and is basically driving me crazy. What do I do?

Miserable, with a capital T


A. Dear Miserable, with a capital T,

Keywords in this scenrio...trouble, baggage, boyfriend, driving you crazy. Are you seriously asking my advice? Dude you answered your own question.

NEXT!

-S

reference [link]

like ann landers minus the whole dead thing...

i've decided to become an advice columnist. i have no journalism experience nor do i necessarily give good advice. but i tend to find myself in situations where i'm always giving it just the same. so i figured, why not become an advice columnist? there's bound to be decent money in it and who knows, maybe i can pick up some boys that are on the rebound.

sure the advice i give usually isn't asked for but rather volunteered by me and usually involves me interrupting someone to interject my opinion. but still. i mean someone's gotta tell them they're a moron.

and you know, i think i usually give pretty good advice. i mean i've only ever broken up 3 or 4 marriages. kidding. really i am. it was just one.

and just cuz i don't ever take my own advice doesn't mean other people shouldn't. really if you think about it, my track record with boys should make me even more of an expert in what not to do in a relationship. right?

anyway i just thought it'd be fun to be a gossip columnist uh i mean advice columnist for a little while. so ask away folks. the doctor is in.

what not to get me for christmas...

most people have a problem with their relatives bringing them fruit cake or buying them tacky christmas sweaters every year. at least that's what movies will have you believe. i, however, have a problem with people giving me t-shirts. it's never family members either. it's friends. i mean, yes i'm a t-shirt and jeans kinda girl, and yes i do appreciate humor more than most, but seriously people. enough with the not so funny t-shirts that i can never wear anywhere b/c i am not so much the little skateresque chick i use to be nor am i the punk smartass girl i never was.

after being home for a week i've finally decided to unpack my suitcase. in the process of doing so i refolded all the stuff in my drawers. that's about when i decided that people need to stop buying me tshirts. i have about a zillion. no really. i counted.

in case you're still planning on buying me a tshirt for xmas here are a few i already have (all have been given to me as gifts). think of the list as one of those plasic baskets with the metal handles that hurt your hands. ya know the ones that have the rubber on top that slips down and ends up being more annoying than a helpful grip. yeah those. think of the list as one of those. ya know, for your shopping convienence.

• "wise [picture of a donkey] "
  
• (across my pectoral region) [arrowing point up] "hey i'm up here"
• i [heart] dorks
• dweeb
• i make boys cry
  
• gettin' lucky in kentucky
  
• i'm fabulous just ask my mom
  

nerd alert

i'm a dork. no really i am. i've always been one really, but i think b/c i never wore glasses and i played sports and because there were 4 of us segura kids in 6 years, so if we had no friend's to play with it was ok b/c we always had a sibling i never really got it in my head that i was a dork. even though i was. and still am.

i love reading. my dream is to have a library like in beauty and the beast. (told you i'm a dork). you'd think i would have been a lit major or something. but no, i'm a science girl. i think i opted for science mainly b/c i hated required reading and writing. i mean, yes, in science you have to read lots of tedious chapters about the inner workings of really big words that no normal person could ever pronounce let alone spell, and you have to write essays about said topics, but you don't have to be "creative" by a certain deadline.

i say "creative" in quotes like that mainly b/c if you think about it, when you've got a paper to write, even an opinion paper, there are all sorts of restrictions and guidelines and your real opinion somehow ends up becoming what you think your opinion should be rather than what it actually is and well, that's just a little too much like a first date if you ask me.

don't get me wrong, i loved college. i'd stay there forever if it weren't for the crater of debt i will be struggling to climb out of for the next 30 years and the god forsaken tests. i hate tests. they ruined college for me. i could go to lectures all day. happily. if only i were allowed to take what i wanted from them instead of having to take what the prof wanted me to take and then have to regurgitate it on an exam.

i promised myself that after graduation i would make time for all the books i have on my shelf waiting to be read. i'd read every chance i got.

i also love crosswords. told you i was a nerd. i've always loved crosswords. my grandma use to always do them. with one of those erasable pens. remember those? whatever happened to those pens? not that i really care. i hated those pens. the ink always gooked up and got all over the writing calus thing have on the inside of my middle finger's top knuckle. whatever. don't act like you don't know what i'm talking about!

i use to do crosswords on the bus to school everyday. in college. not in elementary/middle/high school. i'm not that much of a dork. nor that smart. i did them on the bus and in class when my professor was boring me and every other still slightly hung over from 2 nights earlier undergrad in the class. that was my time to work on improving my mad nytimes crossword skills. and while waiting at the airport. i do crosswords while waiting at the airport. well when i'm not picking up hot boys.

since moving in with neto, crosswords have become even more a part of my routine. who needs conversation when you can do a crossword?! neto's much better at them than me. i basically just fill in the answers he tells me. i have better handwriting.

so here's my problem. i fear crosswords may have started to spill over in to my book time. so sure i'm honing my crossword skills, but i'm not so much finishing those sad, lonely books on the book shelf.

i really gotta find a balance.

and a life.

tedwardo

tedwardo24, or ted as i know him, has been a friend of mine since middle school. after i moved from colorado we lost touch for about 8 years. in that time he became an amazing artist. alright so he may not have become and artist but he...honed is talent i guess you could say. anyway, he's friggin' awesome. and he recently (like this week) made a book of some of his work. i got my copy in the mail today and i gotta tell you. that boy. he never ceases to amaze me. i'm really excited about it, for him and because now i have a hard copy of some of his work. well that and i like seeing my name in print (haha. kidding. ok no i'm not)
anyway you should check out some of his work if you haven't already. and while you're there you can look at some other great artists as well. beware though, before you know it you will have spent hours on your computer going through gallery after gallery and realize that you have no feeling left in your butt and that you were suppoe to have met people for dinner an hour ago (not that that has ever happened to me or anything).
here's his [link]. enjoy.

nap time

i took an amazing nap this afternoon. ya know, the kind where you wake up and are just like "golly gee willikers that was a great nap." ok fine, so maybe i'm the only one who says that, but you know what a good nap feels like so quit given me those "'what the hell is she talking about" faces.
i worked this morning and as much fun as entertaining 20 screaming kids at a birthday party is, it's kind of like eating candy. afterwards you're all sorts of hyper, but then, after some time, you crash. hard. so i took a nap. kind of like in kindergarten. minus the not so comfortable mat and the kid peeing his pants.
when i climbed in bed it was gloooorious. (i see blue, he looks gloooorious!...sorry. had to.) anyway my sheets were so cold. and soft. it made me all sorts of happy. that's about when it hit me. i love cold sheets. food should be hot, not my sheets. and pillows. lots of pillows.
here's a quick little rule of thumb to help you remember how i like these (and a couple other, equally important) things.

sheets + pillows + beer = cold
food + men = hot
pillows + men = lots

i'm not a hermit, i'm just thrifty...

i'm suppose to go out this weekend. and i'm probably going to go to a show tomorrow night. so that would mean going out on thursday and on saturday. holy crap batman! stop the presses! can you believe it?! if you can...you obviously don't know me. at least not lately. ya see, i don't go out that much these days. it's pretty much because i'm broke. don't believe i'm broke? just ask my brother. poor guy pays for everything. so yeah i'm broke and when you're broke you really shouldn't spend money. especially not on extraneous things like alcohol or cover charges. and certainly not if you've got plenty of booze at home. plus, i hate to say it and admit i'm slowly descending down the cool-20-something-chick ladder, but going out just isn't that much fun anymore. it's fun once in a while, when you've got a good group of folks with you or when you're going to see a band you love. but really, why do we bother getting all gussied up to go hand our money over to the man? if not for the aforementioned items, i say "just say no!"
here are a few reasons why we the people of the united states of america go out and examples of why those reasons are bogus...

• to drink: uh yeah. you can drink at home. and a lot more for a lot cheaper.

• but you don't wanna drink at home alone: alone? who said anything about alone? if you've got a creative enough imagination you're never alone. plus, as the night goes on and you get more shitfaced your one imaginary friend will miraculously appear to be 2 and then you've basically got a party. well until you pass out (or your roommate comes home and stages an intervention)

• to dance: dance? buddy i dance all the time. in my car, in my room, at the strip club...uh i mean...what?

• to pick up guys: i was once given the sound advice that boys are stupid, throw rocks at them. as much as i am a fan of men and of throwing (and sometimes kicking or even skipping) rocks, i'm not so sure about them in conjunction with each other. i'm also not so sure the bar would appreciate my throwing rocks at every so-called "man" (3 snaps in a z formation) that walked in the door.

• to pick up chicas: what are you gonna do? buy her a drink? flash her a little smile? give her a cheesy ass line like "hello"? seriously dude, give it up.

• to hang out with the hot bartender: ok so i probably shouldn't argue this one simply because i met one of my best friends because he was a "hot bartender". but he quit bartending to focus on his biochemistry phd so HA. alright fine, i won't be a hypocrite. if you wanna go hang out with the "hot bartender" go for it, but beware...in the morning they may not be so "hot."
  

• because you're 18, have big boobs, and the bouncers love you: have fun. i'm not gonna argue with you on this one. mainly b/c for this scenario to be true you're proably a freshman in college, and have an army of annoying 18 year old girls along side you and frankly, you people drive me batty so i'd rather not have to talk to you.
  

so go out if you'd like. but just know, you dont have to. you can have just as much fun sitting home playing "never have i ever" with yourself.

comforting thought..

it's always nice to know that there are a few people out there that appreciate your randomness and who may actually be even more random than you. my dear sweet ted sent this to me [link]. i do believe he's one of those few. and i like it!

oh and ted, yes it is weird.

girlfriends hate me...i'm ok with that.

i've always had more male friends than female friends for a number of reasons, but as i've gotten older my circle of female friends has grown significantly. however, one thing remains unchanged. girlfriends hate me. even after girlfriends become ex-girlfriends they still hate me. it's a rare talent i have. without ever meeting me or really even knowing anything about me, they dislike me. simply because i'm friends with their boyfriend (and usually have been for a long time). the funniest part to me is that the girlfriends who have taken the time to get to know me like me. and they are the girls that boys have kept around. i'm not saying whether a girlfriend is friend's with me determines whether or not a boy will keep her around, but what i am saying is that the way i see it, the girls who are mature enough and secure enough in who they are to embrace their boyfriend's friends (male or female) are the girls the boys keep in the long run. gentlemen, if i'm mistaken in this assumption please feel free to correct me, but in my humble opinion, there's something to be said about a girl with confindence. in herself and in her boyfriend.