gawd! you're such a friggin' idiot!

true story.

so there's this kid named moron. no really. that's his name. i swear. he is a freshman in college and due to the university's housing shortage asked mommy moron if he could live not off campus or with a group of crackheads he met at his local needle exchange but at his frat house. [grimaces in pain] a frat he's not even techinically a part of seeing how's it's his first semester of college and he's still pledging. anyway, apparently mommy oblivious thought this was a better idea than him living with the crackheads so she agreed. of course they had to do all sorts of petitioning b/c it's his first semester of school and nobody in their right minds lets a first semester freshman live in a frat house, but whatever!

he moves in. mommy shoulda-let-him-live-with-the-drug-addicts decides to keep tabs on him by giving him an atm card in her name so she could check the statements online and see where he was spending the money [banging head against the wall]...

fast forward to a few weeks ago. moron and his pledge class decide to take a road trip. they all hop on the short bus and head for new orleans. before leaving though, mommy stupid-stupid-stupid gives junior $500 to spend. Told him that was his limit. and actually thought he'd obey.

a day after they arrive mommy clueless gets a call from moron to ask her to put some more money in the bank because he went over the $500. She asks how much over and he says $600. So mommy more-than-a-little-slow says "oh okay so you overdrew the account by $100?"

[now this from our sponsors: ok? no that's not ok! what's he doing in n.o. on your dime anyway? you sent the kid away to military school when he was in high school. he's never been responsible. what makes you think he's gonna start now? in new orleans! with a bunch of frat guys!?!?! friggin' idiot.]

so he overdrew the account by $100 right? wrong! he says uh no mom i didn't spend $600 total- i went over by $600...hahahahahahahahahahahahaha...oh if only that were the end of the story. so moron calls in the morning to say hey mom, i know you're blind and stupid, but I have some good news and some bad news...good news is: i did the math wrong. i didn't over draw the account by $600....bad news is: it was more like $1600!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes folks, that is a grand whopping total of $2100 of his mothers money. on something other than college tuition or a kidney transplant. ridiculous i know. he must have had a good reason though right? wrong again!

what could he possibly spend that much cash on in one night? julia roberts in pretty woman? 2 months worth of rent? no, on drinks, atm fees and lap dances of course!

the oh so generous moron not only bought many rounds of drinks for his frat brothers, but also rounds of strippers! not to mention the almost $200 he spent in atm fees because the atm was disguised as a tree and $ grows on trees ya know oh and plus he's a MORON!

i swear, if he were my kid... there's no way he'd still be walking.