Lost in LA

Q: Dear Sara Landers,

What should I do? I have no friends, I've stopped working out, I keep a lot of plants but they are all dying, I have old beer and chorizo in my fridge, I'm broke, I am slightly paranoid at all times, all the hot men I meet are gay and there are only 2 Wendy's in LA proper.

Sincerely,
Lost in LA

A: Dear Lost in LA,

I have no friends: go call your sister, she doesn't have any either.
I've stopped working out: quit whining and get off your rump.
I keep a lot of plants but they are all dying: try manure.
I have old beer and chorizo in my fridge: fed ex it to your brother, if it's meat or beer you know he'll eat it.
I'm broke: isn't prostitution legal in LA? if not, try Vegas.
I'm slightly paranoid at all times: now that' s just silly, why would you be paranoid? OH MY GOD DUCK!
All the hot men I meet are gay: It's ok, it's the holidays, everybody's gay.
There are only 2 Wendy's in LA proper: call the customer service line and ask "where's the beef?"

NEXT!

-S

reference [link]