home sweet home...
well it's official...i am moved in and well on my way to broke after taking the last 2 days to spend copious amounts of money i have yet to earn on accessories to put on furniture i have yet to purchase.i found a great place, not near a mexican restaurant, but definately 'crunked up" if you ask me. the apartment itself is awesome with a fireplace in the bedroom and everything. ya know, for those lovely texas summer days. so the place is great and the complex has all sorts of fun toys like raquetball courts and sand volleyball courts? pits? i'm not really sure what the correct term is for that, but whatever, they hav'em. pool, hot tub, pool table, basketball, tennis, hot hot men...i mean really, what more could a girl ask for? keg's in the back!
yes, no, maybe-so...
to answer your questions...
- yes, i am moving tomorrow.
- no, i do not have a place in austin yet.
- yes, that place by the mezkin restaurant is looking better and better. mmm dollar margaritas.
- yes, i will be crashing on couches until i get a place.
- no, that does not mean i will be granting sexual favors in exchange for said couches.
- yes, i will still blog.
- yes, it is about a 15 hour drive from here to there.
- yes, i'm driving by myself.
- yes, i'm excited.
- no, not about the drive.
- yes, the square-root of 5329 is 73.
- no, i did not just do that in my head.
- yes, i just fell down the steps.
- yes, i was carrying a box.
- yes, stuff went flying out of the box and straight out the front door.
- yes, i have a wicked rug burn and bruise on my lower back/upper ass.
- no, i will not take a picture.
- no, i do not recommend it.
- yes, it does hurt like a bitch.
- no, i do not know exactly what a bitch hurts like.
making a mounatin out of a mole hill...
you know what's awesome? when the big-ass, top-of-the-line,4-wheel drive, boat of an suv that's driving in front of you comes to a virtual stop to go over a tiny little speed bump.
your car is made to go over mountains!! do you really think a little blob of concrete is gonna hurt your precious gas-guzzler?
come on people. seriously.
putting a face to the name...
so some of you may have read e's blog about the new statue near us and how it was referred to as a "fat midget, on a fat pony."
as true of an assessment as that is, i couldn't help but think the little rolly-polly man looked a bit more like a fat baby. i tried to express this to people, but, as you probably guessed, it's a little tough to articulate the fat baby image one has in their head, so imagine my elation when i found this photo.
i really believe this fat-with-an-f baby may have been the inspiration for clayton's new statue. although, i'm not so sure that the man he's riding was the model for the horse.
keep out of reach of children...
this afternoon, my friend send me a link to this ingenious (and by "ingenious" i mean "seriously creepy") invention. after spending some quality time wondering what the hell brought her to the site in the first place, i went ahead and decided to sit back and evaluate the doors that were being opened to us women b/c of this contraption. turns out, doors or no doors, the thing is just wrong.
who the hell comes up with the stuff, anyway?
Instructions
1. Remove the Urinelle from the sterile packing. Hold it in one hand and form the correct shape by pressing on both sides.
2. Place the wide opening of the Urinelle (with the longer side underneath) over your genitals and press it lightly against your body.
3. Point the Urinelle towards the opening of the WC, or urine pot, etc. Hold your legs stretched, shoulders back and hips slightly forward. Begin to urinate.
4. You can dispose of the Urinelle in the WC, and flush. The Urinelle will dissolve easily in the sewer or septic tank.
NB: The use of the Urinelle could feel strange at first. Be aware that the tube will feel warm.
dear god. i'm scarred for life.
warren sapp...
dude i'm such a sap. i was in tears halfway thru what, i was embarrassed to admit, was just the recap of that ultimate home makeover show with shirtless-ty-jackson as the host (i hadn't even been watching the show). then i find out it's not even an official recap, it's just a friggin' sears commercial!
johnny depp move over, cuz lord knows i'm a bigger cry-baby.
gone fishing
ewwwwwwwwwwwwww....
people say the darnedest things...
the 3 funniest things i heard this week...you really should have been there...sooooo funny.
3. "it looks like a fat midget on a fat pony."-dude commenting on the hideous new statue in town. (by the way, it really does look like a fat midget on a fat pony)
2. "when you get to my present don't read the card out loud. it's embarrassing, my mom picked it out." -the lone boy at a party of 14 8-year olds
(of course the birthday girl read it out loud, b/c that's what you do when a boy asks you not to...it said something like "happy birthday you cuite, you" or something equally embarrassing for an 8 year old boy.)
1. "carol and ed sittin' in a tree...a-l-o-p-i-n-g."-my "obviously not a spelling bee champ" of a brother e.
(at least he was phonetically correct)
not so home sweet home...
well it's official. i'm headed back to austin. in a week. ahhh! crazy, i know. so i've been having to look online for apartments and such and i wanted to share some of my favorite ads with you...
Crunked up 4-Plex! Great for Roommates. 22 $585 -"crunked up"? seriously?
Bad credit no problem! Large Pets ok. Eff. $375, 1/1 $415, 2 bedroom $580- broke? awesome! polar bear as a pet? that's cool too!
Newer luxury! $0 deposit and $0 application. 2 bedroom $602 - as opposed to what, older luxury? i'm confused.
Cheap,Cheap,Cheap!! $325!- what are we, little baby chicks now?
Posh 2 bedroom Townhome! Washer/Dryer in unit. Gas,water,trash and cable paid! $725- i'm taking this one only if beckham comes with it. (hehe-see what i did there? smoooooth.)
CLARKSVILLE condo, 2-2 $1100. avail now- clarksville? as in the pottery? yo no comprendo.
Artist Loft! Urban Living! Close to El Arroyo! $550- how much do i love that they are actually using a mexican restaurant as a "selling point." come live here and enjoy mass quantities of beans and cheese! get fat? no problem! drink your sorrows away with their dollar margaritas!
Give your Big Dog a great new home. 1-1 $499 and 2-2 $600- i'll give your big dog a new home. wait. ewwww.
(exasperated sigh)... this whole moving thing is gonna be a lot tougher than i thought. i could really use one of those dollar margaritas right about now.
the constitution according to me...
who, what, where, why and when
- overall my trip to austin went well. it was a lot of fun. got to see more old friends than i was expecting so that always nice. and i only had to tell one friend that had he not gotten in the pants of 5 out of my 6 closest girlfriends (including my sis) then he'd probably have a better shot of getting in mine.
- surprising mom was fun, she didn't pee, but she did cry. she also tried to explain to any and everyone what had happened and no one really got it so she got a lot of blank stares. not that she doesn't usually get a lot of blank stares.
- spent a lot of time sliding in my socks at my friend's place and i didn't once fall on my rump. how exciting is that? i stopped though b/c i kept thinking her boyfriend was gonna come around tndhe corner, and think i was a weirdo. considering i am one, it's not that big of a deal, but the dude just met me..he deserves to think i'm normal for at a little while longer.
- i got offered a job, i'd have to move back to austin by june 1. i decide today if i'm taking it.
- my imaginary airport boyfriend, who i think i've only mentioned in passing on here (for fear of jinxing his fabulousness) sent me pictures and both friends that saw them responded by saying he was exactly my type. whuh? what the hell is my type? as far back as i can remember there is no common thread between the looks of my former beaus. they were all jackasses though. maybe they think he looks like a jackass.
shhhh don't tell mom...
so i'm going to austin to surprise my mom for mother's day. it's gonna be awesome. she's totally gonna pee her pants. or cry. maybe both. hehe. i'm so excited!
i'll be sure to let you know how it goes...and if i have any creepy vacuum-mouthed men with itchy nads sitting next to me on the flight.
(i really hope mom doesn't read this and ruin the surprise...)
isn't it ironic don'tcah think...
so i've never really been that big of an alanis morissette fan. not sure why. i think she's talented and whatnot, but i dunno, i've just never really felt the urge to buy her records or go to a show of hers and throw my panties (and dignity) up on stage.
then i found out she had moved on from playing full house with dave coulier and started in on my sexy pizza boy ryan reynolds... bitch stole my man!
it's pretty common knowledge that i'm kinda sorta a crush slut. and i'm fine with that. i'm also fine with the knowledge that these imginary boyfriends have actual, real life, women. what i'm not fine with is one of them ending up with a chick i'm not totally convinced i like.
when i realized she was on 'dinner for five' last night i intially planned to moved right past it and watch something else. then i thought about how unfair i was being towards her. if ryan was going to marry her, maybe i was missing something. maybe she's cool and i just don't know it. (these thoughts actually occur to me...scary, i know.) so i stayed around watched it, and dammitall if she wasn't great. she was suppose to suck! why couldn't she just suck?!
hey lizzie...
remember when we first moved into the new dorms and @ the first floor meeting everyone had to get up and introduce their roommate and we stood up on the table and you were all "this is sara. she has really big boobs and pees with the door open" and it just got progressively worse until the ra (sophia??) said "alright ladies, that's enough" and made us sit down.
hahaha. it's really know wonder we had all of 1 friend on that floor. good times, good times.
silence is golden...
my mom's best friend has a 15 year old son. apparently there is a girl at school who is all sorts of hot, but is kind of annoying. as he was deciding whether or not to ask her to homecoming he asked his mom: "do you think I could ask her to come and just not open her mouth?"
yeah, 'cause that's gonna happen.
jingle bells...
i am sooooooo not a fan of those new coke w/ lime commercials where everyone goes around singing "put the lime in the coke, you nut, blah blah blah..." i hate 'em mainly cuz they're stupid, but also cuz i can't stop singing that damned song. and then just when i think i've finally freed myself from the depths of jingle hell, it comes on again. grrrrrrr.
put the lime in the coke, you nut, and shoot me in the head...
photo op...
so the word on the street is that there are some doubters among you. well, as hesitant as i may be to admit it, the truth cannot be denied...i was in fact a cheerleader in my younger days. despite the obvious blackmail risks, i have decided to prove it to you by sharing this kodak moment with you fine folks.
i'm on the left, no my sister doesn't still wear those glasses (thank god!), and no i have not lost my "razzle dazzle." to prove it here's a sweet action shot from yesterday at the botanical gardens.
and because it's awesome, here's one of the hot chick my bro was drooling over.
soopa-sta!
